A Church That Welcomes Growth

There are places where most of us know the rules without really thinking about them.

If you have been to the theater enough times, you know when to silence your phone, when it is appropriate to talk, when people usually applaud, and what is expected once the lights go down. None of those habits are especially complicated once they are familiar.

But imagine walking into a theater for the first time without knowing any of that.

Church can feel the same way.

Those of us who have spent years in a congregation know when to stand, sit, sing, pray, listen, take communion, open a Bible, or move to the next part of worship. We understand words like gospel, fellowship, communion, repentance, discipleship, and sanctification. We may know where the bathrooms are, where children go, when classes begin, and whether the person at the front is an elder, preacher, deacon, or worship leader.

Most of that has become invisible to us because it is familiar.

Then someone walks through the door who does not know any of it.

If we genuinely want people who are unfamiliar with church (or who are still exploring faith) to come near, we should probably expect that their first steps into our world will sometimes feel awkward.

For them and for us.

Paul Expected Outsiders to Walk In

One of the things I appreciate about 1 Corinthians 14 is that Paul actually asks the church to think about the experience of an outsider entering the assembly.

While correcting the Corinthians’ disorderly use of spiritual gifts, he writes:

“If, therefore, the whole church comes together and all speak in tongues, and outsiders or unbelievers enter, will they not say that you are out of your minds?” (1 Corinthians 14:23, ESV)

Paul’s concern is not that worship should be designed around keeping visitors comfortable. His concern throughout the chapter is that what happens when Christians gather should be understandable and edifying.

That includes thinking about the person who has just walked in.

A few verses later, Paul describes a very different possibility. If the message is understandable, the outsider can be convicted, the secrets of his heart disclosed, and he may fall down and worship God, declaring, “God is really among you” (1 Corinthians 14:24-25).

That is a powerful concept.

Paul cared about what happened when someone unfamiliar with Christian worship entered the room because he wanted that person to encounter truth rather than unnecessary confusion.

That principle still matters today.

We cannot remove every unfamiliar element from Christian worship, nor should we try. Christianity has its own language, practices, beliefs, and way of life because it is centered on Christ. However, we can explain what we are doing.

We can use language people can understand. We can tell a visitor what to expect before asking them to figure it out themselves. We can help someone find a seat, show them where their children go, explain communion before it begins, or simply stay close enough that they have someone to quietly ask when they are unsure.

A little orientation can turn an intimidating room into a place where someone feels safe enough to listen.

Welcoming People Means Accepting Some Awkwardness

There is another side of this that may be harder for those of us who are already comfortable in church.

People who are new to church will not always know the rhythms and expectations that feel natural to us.

Someone may miss cues that seem obvious to us, respond differently than we expect, or simply not know what is considered normal in worship. Families with young children may be doing their best to help them learn how to participate, something many of us know from our own experience. Others may bring questions, assumptions, habits, or ways of speaking that have not yet been shaped by years of Christian formation.

That should not surprise us.

If someone has not spent years learning Christian habits, why would we expect Christian habits to already be fully formed?

Parents understand some version of this with young children. We want our children to learn reverence and appropriate behavior in worship, but we do not expect a toddler to arrive already knowing everything an adult Christian has learned over decades. We teach, correct, model, encourage, and keep bringing them back.

Growth takes time.

The same patience matters when adults are learning something entirely new.

That does not mean behavior never matters or that churches should abandon order. In the same chapter where Paul considers the outsider, he also says, “all things should be done decently and in order” (1 Corinthians 14:40, ESV).

Grace and order are not enemies.

But order should not become an excuse for impatience with people who have not yet learned what we know.

We Should Remember How Long Formation Takes

One reason judgment comes so easily is that we forget our own history.

Some of us have been around church for so long that we can barely remember learning the things that now feel obvious. Perhaps our parents taught us. Maybe patient teachers, elders, preachers, friends, or older Christians helped shape us over many years.

Even now, after years of following Jesus, most of us can identify areas where we still need considerable growth.

Yet it can be surprisingly easy to expect someone who is just beginning to explore faith to understand in a few Sundays what God has been teaching us for decades. Christian formation rarely happens that quickly.

People need time to learn Scripture, rethink assumptions, build relationships, understand worship, confront sin, develop new habits, and discover what following Jesus actually requires.

Sometimes they will say the wrong thing along the way. Sometimes they will misunderstand something. Sometimes their lives will be messy enough that welcoming them into ours becomes inconvenient.

That is where grace becomes more than a word we sing or preach about. Grace becomes patience.

James warns Christians against making distinctions based on outward appearance when people enter the assembly (James 2:1-4). His specific example involves wealth and status, but the underlying danger is familiar: we can decide very quickly who seems to belong and who does not.

Jesus repeatedly drew near to people the religiously respectable often kept at a distance.

That did not mean He approved of everything in their lives.

It meant their present condition did not prevent Him from loving them, speaking truth to them, eating with them, or inviting them to follow Him.

We should want our churches to feel like places where that same combination of grace and truth is possible.

Hospitality Is More Than Saying Hello

Most churches would describe themselves as friendly, but friendliness and hospitality are not always the same thing.

Friendliness says hello. Hospitality goes a step further and asks what it feels like to be the person who does not know anyone.

It notices someone standing alone after worship. It introduces people instead of assuming they will introduce themselves. It explains unfamiliar language rather than expecting visitors to decode it. It invites someone to lunch. It remembers a name the next week.

Hospitality is willing to carry a little social awkwardness so someone else does not have to carry all of it.

That can matter more than we realize.

People may forget whether every transition in worship was smooth. They probably will not remember every announcement or even portions of the sermon, but they may remember the person who noticed them.

They may remember someone who sat beside them, answered a question without making them feel foolish, introduced their children to another family, or treated them warmly even though their life looked different.

Those small acts do not replace the gospel.

They can help create the space in which someone is willing to hear it.

So let me ask you…

As I ask myself these same questions:

• If I were entering my congregation with no church background at all, what might feel confusing or intimidating?

• Do I notice unfamiliar people, or do I naturally spend most of my time with people I already know?

• Am I patient when someone does not yet understand the expectations or habits that feel obvious to me?

• Have I ever expected spiritual maturity from someone before giving them time, teaching, relationship, and grace to grow?

• Is there church language or practice I could explain more clearly without watering down its biblical meaning?

• What could I personally do to make it easier for someone new to take another step toward Christ?

The goal is not to make church feel indistinguishable from everything else in the world, nor is it to make people perfectly comfortable. The gospel itself will sometimes make us uncomfortable. But there is a difference between the discomfort of being confronted by truth and the unnecessary discomfort of feeling ignored, confused, or judged before someone has even had the chance to hear it.

A Closing Word for Fellow Pilgrims

If people who are unfamiliar with church begin walking through our doors, some awkwardness should probably be expected.

In fact, that may be a good problem to have.

It means people are coming close enough to hear, observe, ask questions, build relationships, and begin discovering that God really lives among His people.

Our responsibility is not to hurry people into looking like experienced Christians before they have had time to learn, grow, build relationships, and be formed.

We can welcome them, explain what is unfamiliar, patiently teach what is true, and trust God to do the work of transformation that none of us can accomplish on someone else’s timetable.

After all, every mature Christian is still someone Christ has been patiently forming. We have all needed grace while we learned.

We still do.

So when someone walks through the doors and does not yet know the words, the rhythms, the expectations, or even what they believe about Jesus, perhaps our first instinct should not be to wonder whether they know how to behave.

Perhaps it should be gratitude that they came.

Then we can make room beside us and help them take the next step.

Until the journey is complete,

Jonathan Pilgrim

P.S. The next time someone unfamiliar walks into worship, do not assume someone else will welcome them. Introduce yourself, learn their name, and look for one simple way to make the experience less confusing or uncomfortable.